As regular readers will be aware, the Donovan family have emerged from the perfect storm which threatened to derail our adopted family earlier this summer. There are many factors which led to our collective rescue and beckoned in this prolonged period of calm, the prime factor was our Social Worker, Mel. Here is a list of ten things which Mel did to pull us back from the brink of disaster:
1. She listened, for hours
2. She did not judge
3. She said ‘I know how hard it is’
4. She said ‘no one knows the measure of success when we parent children who have suffered early trauma’
5. She said ‘you are doing a brilliant job’. I felt like less of a failure.
6. She insisted that we get some respite, from somewhere. We accepted a very generous offer from a family member, set aside our worries and recuperated for five, sleepy days. We emerged with more fight in us.
7. She booked me on to a therapeutic parenting course. Although I swallowed down tears for most of it, it helped me to refocus and it was a relief to be amongst people who know the reality of parenting a child of trauma
8. I can tell her anything and she doesn’t flinch or judge
9. She always has constructive advice to offer, no matter how impossible the problem appears
10. She is always right.
Mel is one of the unsung heroes of social services. Not only did she prevent us from disintegrating into a human disaster area this summer, she saved the state a significant amount of money, more than enough to justify her salary.
Our family have emerged into an extended period of calm and happiness which proves that Mel was right about something else: traumatised children will kick back just as bonds strengthen and relationships deepen and if adoptive families can be helped to cling on during these stormy times, they may wake up to a beautiful day.
I know just what you mean. We have Pippa. We only got her this summer but what a godsend she was at the meeting with our school headteacher. She repeated the things that we have said but she was believed where we were treated like idiots. Along with the Educational Psychologist (a woman we’d never met but wow did she understand Attachment Disorder) they have started to chip away at schools resistance to accept that AD does exist.
PS Your last sentence made me cry. Lets hope we ALL wake up to a beautiful day! xx
I am really glad to hear that you have got some decent support at last. It makes all the difference.
It’s so true that the toughest times are as bonds are strengthening and connections are being made. I’ve seen the cycle a number of times but when you are there in the thick of it some days, weeks seem impossible. Good to hear that someone has been supporting and listening to you. It can be so lonely and someone giving you an understanding nod can mean the world some days.x
You are spot on as usual! Thanks for reading.
That is fantastic.
you are very lucky to find a good social worker to be honest there not all like that and i was warned dont fall out with social services whatever you do,they will make your life hell and i found this very very true,they are criminal well 99pc are ?