This for the Stig:-
I have experienced the anger you have, I know its horrible. We named the anger “red brain.” Yeah its a horrible thing to grow up with but it gets better honestly it wont come out as much as you get older. It is NOT your fault so don’t blame it on yourself!!!!
When you feel red brain coming you should just tell your mum or dad and then remove yourself from the situation your getting angry in. When you do have the “red brain” , you say all these words to your mum or dad but they will know its not your fault they might feel a bit hurt or sad (they will recover in a few days) All i do to make up is really this (This might or might not help)
- Make them a cup of tea (optional)
- Give them a big hug (bears are best) or a big sloppy kiss (I choose the hug though) (optional)
- Say you didn’t mean it (best to do)
- DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF (This you have to do)
- Snuggle up with your mum and dad and watch T.V (cute….)
- Write down your feelings about things
For the mum:-
What the social worker said wouldn’t of helped the situation at all! I don’t know what she meant by call the police but it was a stupid idea and hopefully you wouldn’t do it, it won’t make the situation better it would just make it worse, he won’t feel secure or safe that he is going into someone else’s hands and into the back of a strangers car. When it happens again just sit down and just say I know its not your fault and we still love and care for you no matter what (Might sound a bit strange to say it to the “older group” but it would be fine for the younger group) And maybe get him to say his feelings out loud (it worked for me).
When you get the chance and he is nice and calm just sit him down gradually tell him about his past or why he was removed from is “birth family” Because that has helped me, he will be shocked at first and it will take time to sink in but it will work 99.9%
Hope this works
P.S Nice name Mr Stig!
hi I’m stig,
thanks lots Jamie your post helps. I’m drained from my anger.
Hi Jamie. what a really kind thing to do for Stig. Thank you so much. All the advice you gave for me is really useful as well.
Wonderful advice Jamie, I liked the ideas “for the Mum” very much. I think it would work just as well for older young people. My 16 year old foster son can get very angry sometimes and not understand why and I always tell him that I love him just as much on his bad days. Abi xxx
Those are wise words Jamie. Glad you could share to help somebody else:)
Thanks for your advice Jamie, I am going to show it to my son when he comes home from school today. He get ‘red brain’ and I think this will help him. Thanks again.
Jamie – You’re such a star. Keep writing for your brother…and for everyone. Your words are so important
Jamie, thankyou so much for your insight and honesty. I am currently going through the adoption process and hope to meet my new child later this year if everything goes to plan. Your insight and your mums book has been so helpful in my preparation for my new childs life with me. I will remember your words and use your ideas when we have ‘red brain’ anger and how best to help them through it.