I need a new bag.  I need a bag which is big enough for an A4 pad and my A4 sized laptop.  It needs to have a few pockets for train tickets, keys, a tampax and earphones.  It needs to be hands-free.  Not a big ask I thought to myself TWO YEARS AGO when I started looking for one.

I do not need a small glittery clutch bag.  I will never need a small glittery clutch bag because they are completely fucking useless.  No, I need to carry stuff, you know stuff which one needs to earn living with.  I need something like a ……….. man bag, WHICH IS ALL I CAN FIND.  Either that, or a shopper for fuck’s sake.  Is that all you think women do, clutch and shop?

Neither do I want a black shiny nerd bag from the land that taste left behind. Nor do I want a plastic nightmare with gold clasps which looks like something my gran would have used.  And I’d rather not have a wipe clean ‘retro’ bag with cup cakes all over it.  I BLOODY HATE cupcakes.  Cupcakes do not say ‘please take me seriously’.

Will you please, shops, start making bags for REAL WOMEN WITH JOBS AND STUFF.  And while I’m on a roll, you could look at your shoe collections too.  Some of us actually walk in ours.

That’s better.